Shouldn't be lonely

I look at all the friends I've made over my lifetime. I have so many friends on Facebook. I look through the phone numbers I have. But how many people do I really talk to? How much effort to I take to talk to people? Do I push people away? Do I choose not to talk to people? Do I wait for people to come to me? I don't know if it's something wrong with me. That I don't answer my phone. That I don't have full inboxes. I have so many friends that I hang out with. But when I'm away from school how many of them actually talk to me. I just question the connections I've supposedly made with people. I've just lost so many people that sometimes it just seems hopeless to make friends for find a guy that will truly love me and love me forever. I've been hurt that I just get tired of people. Why is it so hard? Why do I second guess myself and people? Why do I close myself off? Why can't I trust? This thinking floods over to my spiritual life to. My relationship with God seems to be the same as with my friends. It gets old and dumb. God is not just my friend, my best friend, he is my God! My saviour! He should mean so much more to me than people. He puts people in my life. He does everything for my good. for a reason. So I really shouldn't feel lonely or empty. He fills all holes and gaps. I have my little pity party than I start to think about Him and it always makes me feel better. That's good right? He should be the center of my thoughts instead of my own feelings and wants. Because with him as my everything, he gives me what I need, want. What more could I possibly ask for?

The semester is coming to a close.

We have so many things on our  minds as college students come this time of year. Finals, saying goodbye to friends, work, snow, trying not to slip on the ice, car problems and the list goes on. We get so stressed out and tired. We become weary. It's so hard to be a college student. We like to dwell on the thoughts of going home but we have to study for exams. We just can't stay focused. We have so much work to do it's easy to have a breakdown. It's cold so our bodies ache. Everyone is getting sick. Not to downplay the hard life we lead but come on people it could be so much worse! The semester is drawing to its end. What have we accomplished?? Can we look back at these past few months and truly say that we've done our best? Can we say we served God to our highest ability? I sure can't! We're human, we fail. But we have to keep pressing on. Don't lose focus even in these past few days. We still need to do our best. We have goals to meet. Let's get them done but also let's focus on God and not forget him. While we're here and when we go home, everything do to the glory of God.

Countdown

Countdown To Japan

I am 99.9999% sure I am going to be going on the Nippon Initiative trip this summer to Japan. It is going to cost me $3000 but I am confident God will supply for that. I am way excited. The only thing I'm worried about is how I'm going to adjust to the new culture and how I'm going to get along with the people in the group. Hopefully it won't be too rough. I am kinda getting sick already thinking about the 12 hour flight :-P The food sounds pretty interesting over there. I am way excited to see how God is going to use this in my life. Hopefully there will be more missions trips in my future and maybe a lifetime of missions work. We shall see how God leads.

You never really know...

Life has many unexpected turns. Things never turn out the way you plan it. One minute you're thinking of marriage and kids and the next you're alone and hoping for true love. One minute you're one major and the next minute you change it and are graduating moving on to bigger and better things. You plan for one thing and God turns you around and pushes you in a totally different direction. You watch as your life falls apart than you see as God picks up all the pieces and puts it together totally different. I never understand. I can't tell the future and tell how things will work out. I have been through so much crap it's amazing I'm still alive. But somehow God has looked past everything and He's still holding my hand. He never let go. I may have let go of Him but he was still keeping a grip just giving me some slack. I give Him everything, every little piece and I have no need to worry. I'm in the best years of my life. I still have so much ahead of me. So much work I could be doing for Christ instead of worrying about myself. "I'm getting old" "I'm not talented" "I'm just useless" All Myths!! Why would I believe that. I just live one day at a time and leave everything in my Maker's hands :)

I hate technology

Bad things always happen to me. My computer gets stolen, my computer gets wiped, my external stops working, I lose my flash drives or they brake, and now my iPod updates an it wipes out what I have left of my music. Sometimes it's not even worth gathering music movies an photos cuz some how I lose it all anyways. It gets frustrating. And I have a hard time getting stuff from friends so I'm not really in a hurry to grow my collection again. Oh well moving on with my life again :-P

God continues to amaze me

When you think about it, God really shouldn't amaze us when he does something impossible or difficult. Because we should trust him enough and know he can do anything. When he does something amazing. we should have expected it. From the little things like getting charged for a kid's buffet at Golden Corral instead of an adult's to save money to the big things like forgiving you for the things you did during the summer and bringing you back to school. From little things like going to Boone with a friend to big things like getting rid of friends in your life that you did not need.
Now don't get me wrong, we are supposed to be amazed at him and we are supposed to praise and thank Him. and I do every single day, because not only am I back in the center of his will but I'm alive and breathing. But we do have to realize that God does amazing things every day and he can do whatever he wants.
We do things wrong but he never does. We mess up all the time but he never fails.
It still amazes me.

Relationships

They confuse me.
I watch as people who I thought were in love break up. I watch people who I thought would never get together, become a couple. I watch relationships end badly. I watch perfect couples. You never know which way a ship is gonna go. Sometimes it's not worth it, other times it's like you didn't know how you survived without it. You can be completely happy with someone you fight with all the time yet you can fight all the time and completely hate each other.
Boy. Girl.
Put the two together and you never know what will happen. It starts as a crush and it might turn into love or it could just end. You can stay friends or never talk to each other again. It could help you draw closer together or make each other nonexistent.
It scares me to death even to have a crush anymore.

Since Tumblr is blocked now...

I had to make a blogspot so I can blog and talk all my thoughts out :P