So working nights I have a lot of free time in the morning. Really I don't know what to do with myself. So I've composed a list of stuff I've always wanted to do just never had the time or energy to do it. Well, this is me taking the initiative and getting out there and trying some new stuff. It's time to live a little. I probably won't do all this, but it's a list of stuff I'm thinking of doing. If you wanna do it with me, help me with it, or have other ideas or anything, lemme know. :)
1. Write a book
2. Scrapbook
3. Quilt
4. Learn guitar/piano
5. Take some random classes
6. Become a critic (food, movie, music...)
7. Write and record a song
8. Become a Youtube sensation
9. Knit/crochet
10. Learn how to cook/bake
11. Learn more about cars
12. Paint/sketch
13. Volunteer
14. Take up photography
15. Study the Bible
16. Tour Iowa
17. Visit Museums/Zoos/Galleries
18. Study Religions
19. Read all the books on my shelves
20. Go to Concerts
Ok, really that's a long enough list for now. Now I know a lot of this takes money but really it doesn't take a lot. And I'm slowly moving up in the world. I just feel like I could be doing so much more with my life then sleeping and working. My good friend, Samuel and my bestie, Lindsey and possibly my good acquaintance Jordan, are going to be dragged along on a lot of my adventures. Mainly, because I don't like doing things by myself and also because I love them so dearly and want them to have fun as well. This is not really a bucket list, just a list of things that sound exciting to me. Not that I don't love sitting around my apartment listening to One Direction, but really something's gotta change. I've already started googling a lot of this stuff and it all seems super easy. Even a blond like me can do it.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Influenced and Influencing
I guess it never truly dawned on me how many people influence my life. In good and bad ways. The people that are in my life that are encouraging, help me spiritually, challenge me, lead me in the right ways. The people that are in my life that don't exactly do that. The ones I let influence me and the ones I choose to not let influence me. The ones that aren't bad influences but aren't the best influences. People that don't even know they influence me. The ones I don't think influence me. Everything that they do, some how has an effect on my life. Every person in my life makes a difference in my life. Good or bad.
I never realized the kind of influence I am on people. Am I encouraging, uplifting, and challenging them spiritually? Am I leading them down the path of righteousness or bringing them down? Am I a good testimony? Am I really the best influence I can be? Everything I do, effects the people in my life. I make a difference in someone's life.
God uses us in people's lives. I have been super challenged the past couple days. What kind of influence am I? Who am I letting influence me? Everything we do truly does effect someone. We have to be super careful how our actions, words, and lives are influencing people. We're human, we're not perfect but at the same time we should be striving to be more like Christ and striving to show Christ to others.
I have recently made some resolutions that I hope to stick to not just for God or for my sake, but for the sake of other's that I influence. I need to better myself for God's glory, for my walk, and for my friends and coworkers. If I become a better person, other people can become better people in the process. You don't truly realize the impact you make until someone brings it to your attention. And I'm lucky enough to have friends that bring my actions to my attention, whether they are good or bad. I'm lucky to say I have some great influences in my life. And I want to be a great influence.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Life Track
So I have made a soundtrack of my life right now.
My most played song is of course "Somebody that I use to know." Lots to be explained behind that but I'm not going into it. But it is really my song right now.
"On my Own" by Ashes Remain has been a most played song for a while.
"Some nights" by Fun. Mostly just because it's catchy and gets stuck in my head.
"We are never ever getting back together." Also because it's catchy and the video is hysterical but it has some stuff behind it.
"Busted heart" by For King and Country.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" by Kelly Clarkson
Some of these songs are really self explanatory as to why they are a big deal in my life. Music really is my escape and so they describe me so well. I may not be an open book but look at my most played on Itunes and you'll figure me out pretty quickly.
"Why don't you love me." by Hot Chelle Rae
"Bombshell Blond" and "Take it all away" by Owl City. Like them both for two totally different reasons.
"Wide awake" by Katy Perry
"Last Train Home" by Ryan Star.
Now mind you some of these songs don't express all my feelings they are just good when I have feelings.
"Waiting outside the lines" By Greyson Chance
"Love you til the End" by the Pogues
"Someday came Today" by Chris Pine
"I won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz
And I know a lot of these songs are secular but music just makes me better. Or just helps me express myself. it always has. Why do you think people write songs? It's easier to express through music than it is to come right out and say it. I think that's how I'm going to do things from now on. I have a problem with you, I need to tell you something, I need to let something out? I'm just going to send you a song that best expresses that point.
My music choices change based on my mood, my attitude, my awakeness. It all just varies. But in the end my point is: Music. That's how I do things. I sing, I dance, I cry, I listen to one track over and over again. I know all the words. I know what it means. I feel the feelings in the song. It becomes a part of me. That's why I love choir so much. It's how I express everything. Worship, heartache, love, disappointment. It's all through song.
These songs that I have named tonight are not all the ones that I listen to, but they are the ones that have stood out to me and meant a lot to me for a while. My soundtrack to my life could just go on and on. There are so many songs I love that mean a lot to me.
Each one of my close friends has a song to me. We each have our song. It's not weird or anything. It's not just a bf/gf thing. My friends each have their songs. Why? because if the song reminds me of a friend it will make me smile and make me want to listen to it and remember my friend. It's a happy thing. If I dub a song for you, than take it cuz that's a big deal.
Music. It's a big deal to me.
That's all.
My most played song is of course "Somebody that I use to know." Lots to be explained behind that but I'm not going into it. But it is really my song right now.
"On my Own" by Ashes Remain has been a most played song for a while.
"Some nights" by Fun. Mostly just because it's catchy and gets stuck in my head.
"We are never ever getting back together." Also because it's catchy and the video is hysterical but it has some stuff behind it.
"Busted heart" by For King and Country.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" by Kelly Clarkson
Some of these songs are really self explanatory as to why they are a big deal in my life. Music really is my escape and so they describe me so well. I may not be an open book but look at my most played on Itunes and you'll figure me out pretty quickly.
"Why don't you love me." by Hot Chelle Rae
"Bombshell Blond" and "Take it all away" by Owl City. Like them both for two totally different reasons.
"Wide awake" by Katy Perry
"Last Train Home" by Ryan Star.
Now mind you some of these songs don't express all my feelings they are just good when I have feelings.
"Waiting outside the lines" By Greyson Chance
"Love you til the End" by the Pogues
"Someday came Today" by Chris Pine
"I won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz
And I know a lot of these songs are secular but music just makes me better. Or just helps me express myself. it always has. Why do you think people write songs? It's easier to express through music than it is to come right out and say it. I think that's how I'm going to do things from now on. I have a problem with you, I need to tell you something, I need to let something out? I'm just going to send you a song that best expresses that point.
My music choices change based on my mood, my attitude, my awakeness. It all just varies. But in the end my point is: Music. That's how I do things. I sing, I dance, I cry, I listen to one track over and over again. I know all the words. I know what it means. I feel the feelings in the song. It becomes a part of me. That's why I love choir so much. It's how I express everything. Worship, heartache, love, disappointment. It's all through song.
These songs that I have named tonight are not all the ones that I listen to, but they are the ones that have stood out to me and meant a lot to me for a while. My soundtrack to my life could just go on and on. There are so many songs I love that mean a lot to me.
Each one of my close friends has a song to me. We each have our song. It's not weird or anything. It's not just a bf/gf thing. My friends each have their songs. Why? because if the song reminds me of a friend it will make me smile and make me want to listen to it and remember my friend. It's a happy thing. If I dub a song for you, than take it cuz that's a big deal.
Music. It's a big deal to me.
That's all.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Somebody that I used to know
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)
(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody
Sunday, August 19, 2012
The World Still Turns
Bitterness and Anger never make you happy.
Holding on to the past never gets you through.
Time goes on, things change.
People and their lives change too.
Holding everything thing just makes you miserable.
Grudges and hatred rip lives apart.
Honesty is the only way to make things ok.
Letting things go is good for your heart.
Friends fight and disagree.
You're not going to always see things eye to eye.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
Forgiveness is always worth a try.
Time passes on and things seem to change.
The world continues to turn.
Past is the past.
Nothing stays the same.
Feelings get hurt.
Hearts get broken.
Promises are made.
Promises are broken.
Humans are fallible.
They are not to be trusted.
Plans are made.
Plans get adjusted.
Friends come and go, relationships change.
Sometimes things are not meant to be the same.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
The worlds still turns just the same.
Things might be different than they were just a few months ago.
Things may be better than they were before.
But things are better in more ways than one.
Now we have each come to a new door.
Leave it in the Lord's hands, that's what I try to do now.
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
And with the friends that I've got, I've seemed to make it through.
As long as I keep my nose in His Word.
It will all work out the way that He wills.
I can't always make choices for everyone.
It's God's place to make the plan.
I've just got to pray for everyone.
I haven't blogged in a while, and here I am sitting on my bed, thinking over the past couple months. Moving, break ups, fights, and awkwardness. New friends and old friends, lost friends and found friends. Struggles and trials, mishaps and adventures. My life definitely is different than it was months ago. Happy and content, quiet and peaceful, would describe my life here in small town Iowa. But with every good thing comes struggles as well. Life isn't going to be perfect anywhere. There's always going to be hard times. It's how you respond to them that matters. I like my life. Don't worry too much about me. The world still turns whether I'm struggling or not. God's still in control, He knows what he's doing. I'll be ok. He'll get me through. He's done it for 24 years, He'll keep doing it too.
Holding on to the past never gets you through.
Time goes on, things change.
People and their lives change too.
Holding everything thing just makes you miserable.
Grudges and hatred rip lives apart.
Honesty is the only way to make things ok.
Letting things go is good for your heart.
Friends fight and disagree.
You're not going to always see things eye to eye.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
Forgiveness is always worth a try.
Time passes on and things seem to change.
The world continues to turn.
Past is the past.
Nothing stays the same.
Feelings get hurt.
Hearts get broken.
Promises are made.
Promises are broken.
Humans are fallible.
They are not to be trusted.
Plans are made.
Plans get adjusted.
Friends come and go, relationships change.
Sometimes things are not meant to be the same.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
The worlds still turns just the same.
Things might be different than they were just a few months ago.
Things may be better than they were before.
But things are better in more ways than one.
Now we have each come to a new door.
Leave it in the Lord's hands, that's what I try to do now.
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.
And with the friends that I've got, I've seemed to make it through.
As long as I keep my nose in His Word.
It will all work out the way that He wills.
I can't always make choices for everyone.
It's God's place to make the plan.
I've just got to pray for everyone.
I haven't blogged in a while, and here I am sitting on my bed, thinking over the past couple months. Moving, break ups, fights, and awkwardness. New friends and old friends, lost friends and found friends. Struggles and trials, mishaps and adventures. My life definitely is different than it was months ago. Happy and content, quiet and peaceful, would describe my life here in small town Iowa. But with every good thing comes struggles as well. Life isn't going to be perfect anywhere. There's always going to be hard times. It's how you respond to them that matters. I like my life. Don't worry too much about me. The world still turns whether I'm struggling or not. God's still in control, He knows what he's doing. I'll be ok. He'll get me through. He's done it for 24 years, He'll keep doing it too.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
So here it goes...
I don't even know where to begin. Today has been so overwhelming. It has no reason to be. But once you turn my mind on it just goes. I wish there was a way to just turn it off. That would probably make my life easier. (Not like I have it on much of the time anyway)
I'm a worry wart. I worry about things I probably shouldn't. I look to far into the future and freak out about stuff that I don't even need to be thinking about yet. Or I look at things that are coming up soon and freak out because they are practically here. The one thing that got my mind going is graduation in 30 days. It's not like I'm in school anymore, but graduation is the next big step in my life. It's something to mark off my list. What happens after that I don't know. Maybe nothing will change. maybe everything will change. It will be official. I'm an adult. I have to grow up. What to do with that degree? Where to go from here? What to do with my life? How to spend my time? Where do I need to work? What will I do when all my friends leave? So many questions arise. One event can cause so much worry.
I'm scared to death about where my life might be going. I feel like I have no direction, no purpose. I seem to get that way a lot. Maybe it's just because I don't consult my Father after I get settled into where I want to be. Once I figure where I am where God wants me, I slack off on devotions and asking Him about everything. I just get in a rut. Things won't go the way I plan if they aren't going the way He plans.
I add all these things to my stress level that have no right to be there. I shouldn't worry about who I'm going to marry. I shouldn't worry about where I'm going to spend my life. I shouldn't worry about anything really. Worrying doesn't help. It just makes me sick and depressed.
I don't know how many people today asked if I was ok. I'm usually loud and talkative and happy. But when my mind is weighed down, I just have no desire to exist. So I'm quiet. And that is quiet shocking.
I don't know if you can tell, but I'm freaking out. I'm just exhausted and completely drained. I have so much to do and plan for in the next coming months. I have to find a new job, eventually a place to live, have to start paying bills, planning trips, preparing for camp, join or not join a church. The to do list is never ending. I'm so use to people making the decisions for me, my parents getting me through life, other people to lean on. Now it's just me. I have to do this on my own.
I literally have been having panic attacks. There is times I just stop and think and I have a hard time breathing because I'm either scared to death or just totally overwhelmed. My chest will just hurt and my head will spin. Even right now I'm feeling a little dizzy.
So many questions and right now there are very little answers. I can't even explain everything that is going through my head right now. I just wanna curl up in my bed and stay here forever. Maybe a good cry will help.
I was reminded tonight by a good friend that I should pray. Why do I keep forgetting about the power of prayer? Why do I keep forgetting that I have people that love me and want to help me? People that are there for me? Why do I think I need to just suffer in silence and do everything on my own?
I need a schedule. A better routine.
No, what I need is God.
This is only skimming the surface of my thought pool. If people could read minds, they would just get confused in mine.
I just rambled on but maybe if you think of me you'll just pray. And now maybe I'll start praying again.
I'm a worry wart. I worry about things I probably shouldn't. I look to far into the future and freak out about stuff that I don't even need to be thinking about yet. Or I look at things that are coming up soon and freak out because they are practically here. The one thing that got my mind going is graduation in 30 days. It's not like I'm in school anymore, but graduation is the next big step in my life. It's something to mark off my list. What happens after that I don't know. Maybe nothing will change. maybe everything will change. It will be official. I'm an adult. I have to grow up. What to do with that degree? Where to go from here? What to do with my life? How to spend my time? Where do I need to work? What will I do when all my friends leave? So many questions arise. One event can cause so much worry.
I'm scared to death about where my life might be going. I feel like I have no direction, no purpose. I seem to get that way a lot. Maybe it's just because I don't consult my Father after I get settled into where I want to be. Once I figure where I am where God wants me, I slack off on devotions and asking Him about everything. I just get in a rut. Things won't go the way I plan if they aren't going the way He plans.
I add all these things to my stress level that have no right to be there. I shouldn't worry about who I'm going to marry. I shouldn't worry about where I'm going to spend my life. I shouldn't worry about anything really. Worrying doesn't help. It just makes me sick and depressed.
I don't know how many people today asked if I was ok. I'm usually loud and talkative and happy. But when my mind is weighed down, I just have no desire to exist. So I'm quiet. And that is quiet shocking.
I don't know if you can tell, but I'm freaking out. I'm just exhausted and completely drained. I have so much to do and plan for in the next coming months. I have to find a new job, eventually a place to live, have to start paying bills, planning trips, preparing for camp, join or not join a church. The to do list is never ending. I'm so use to people making the decisions for me, my parents getting me through life, other people to lean on. Now it's just me. I have to do this on my own.
I literally have been having panic attacks. There is times I just stop and think and I have a hard time breathing because I'm either scared to death or just totally overwhelmed. My chest will just hurt and my head will spin. Even right now I'm feeling a little dizzy.
So many questions and right now there are very little answers. I can't even explain everything that is going through my head right now. I just wanna curl up in my bed and stay here forever. Maybe a good cry will help.
I was reminded tonight by a good friend that I should pray. Why do I keep forgetting about the power of prayer? Why do I keep forgetting that I have people that love me and want to help me? People that are there for me? Why do I think I need to just suffer in silence and do everything on my own?
I need a schedule. A better routine.
No, what I need is God.
This is only skimming the surface of my thought pool. If people could read minds, they would just get confused in mine.
I just rambled on but maybe if you think of me you'll just pray. And now maybe I'll start praying again.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Conviction
That's going to be the name of my life story when it becomes a movie.
So I don't get convicted like normal people. When I'm convicted, I really get convicted. Like God will tap on my shoulder every now and than and I'll just brush it off. But than when he really wants to get my attention after a while, He just punches me in the face. That's the only way I really listen. My whole chest hurts when God pushes. It's a good thing. I'll actually listen if God gives me a clear sign. I'm too blond to get His hints. He still tries to be subtle so maybe I'll learn but I still haven't gotten it. Not that I like getting punched in the face, but it sure does make it easier for me to know what God wants me to do.
So God threw a job to me. That was awesome. God also gave me some pretty cool friends to also point me in the right direction. Well, Sunday, God gave me Phil Betz to finally make me decide to go to camp. Yep, looks like I'm going to go to IRBC for a week this summer. Hopefully, as an assistant counselor for jr high week. But we'll see. I just decided this yesterday so I have til April to really make up my mind and get everything together. I just know that Sunday afternoon service was rough for me. I was clammy and fidgeting and achey and I just couldn't look at Pastor Phil at all. God was definitely laying it pretty heavy on my heart to go. I talked to my parentals about it and they told me to go for it! So did pretty much everyone I talked to. It's totally going to push me out of my comfort zone but that's good right. I never stay in a comfort zone for too long. Usually God comes along and pops my happy bubble and makes me expand to new things. Sometimes I'm not a big fan but like always it turns out to be awesome.
I talk in lot of metaphors. It's pretty fun. You should try it sometime. My thoughts are kind of speghetti and meatballs up in my head so in order for it all to make sense and not just be a big mess, I have to explain it in a way to put it all in a bowl for ya. (Like that one? ;)
Anyways, I think life is pretty much coming together now that I'm focusing on what God wants me to do. He has led me a pretty long way. Hopefully, I can keep it up and stay on the straight and narrow.
I'm getting my invites for graduation done up. Only 2 months left! Than all I have to worry about is work and getting ready for camp.
God is good. All the time.
Live long and prosper my friends.
So I don't get convicted like normal people. When I'm convicted, I really get convicted. Like God will tap on my shoulder every now and than and I'll just brush it off. But than when he really wants to get my attention after a while, He just punches me in the face. That's the only way I really listen. My whole chest hurts when God pushes. It's a good thing. I'll actually listen if God gives me a clear sign. I'm too blond to get His hints. He still tries to be subtle so maybe I'll learn but I still haven't gotten it. Not that I like getting punched in the face, but it sure does make it easier for me to know what God wants me to do.
So God threw a job to me. That was awesome. God also gave me some pretty cool friends to also point me in the right direction. Well, Sunday, God gave me Phil Betz to finally make me decide to go to camp. Yep, looks like I'm going to go to IRBC for a week this summer. Hopefully, as an assistant counselor for jr high week. But we'll see. I just decided this yesterday so I have til April to really make up my mind and get everything together. I just know that Sunday afternoon service was rough for me. I was clammy and fidgeting and achey and I just couldn't look at Pastor Phil at all. God was definitely laying it pretty heavy on my heart to go. I talked to my parentals about it and they told me to go for it! So did pretty much everyone I talked to. It's totally going to push me out of my comfort zone but that's good right. I never stay in a comfort zone for too long. Usually God comes along and pops my happy bubble and makes me expand to new things. Sometimes I'm not a big fan but like always it turns out to be awesome.
I talk in lot of metaphors. It's pretty fun. You should try it sometime. My thoughts are kind of speghetti and meatballs up in my head so in order for it all to make sense and not just be a big mess, I have to explain it in a way to put it all in a bowl for ya. (Like that one? ;)
Anyways, I think life is pretty much coming together now that I'm focusing on what God wants me to do. He has led me a pretty long way. Hopefully, I can keep it up and stay on the straight and narrow.
I'm getting my invites for graduation done up. Only 2 months left! Than all I have to worry about is work and getting ready for camp.
God is good. All the time.
Live long and prosper my friends.
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